I'm sad.

Because of the way life changes, I've lost one of the greatest people in my life. We changed... and now she wont talk to me. I love her so much and I know she still loves me. I just wish she would tell me why. She wont return my calls or my notes. I don't want everything I remember about her to be a bitter memory... I just wish she'd realize that I've been with her through everything... her first love, her parents divorce... even the things she wouldn't tell me. She changed my life, and I hope I changed hers in some way. I guess some times people can only have one special person in her life. She knows that I don't approve of him, but she also knows that its her life. I just wish that we could be back in 8th grade again, stapling links for our 9/11 fund, or sitting in Burger King on the last day of school right before I moved. I wish we could be chasing her crazy grandma, who had stolen a watermelon from the fridge... I wish we could be back at the sleepovers, hiding from the storms outside, eating jumbo shrimp that her mom steamed for us... I wish she could have come stay with me this summer... I even wish that I had stayed with her in that town forever, maybe in hopes that things would have turned out differently.

Venus Iris Lewton, you are a wonderful person. I know this may be the time when our paths seperate, but I just want to tell you some things. Don't ever let people change your mind about things, who you love, your faith. Let the lord guide you in all you do, and even if you forget Him, remember that he will NEVER forget you. Hold fast to life, because life goes by fast... you and I have proven that. Don't ever forget me, Venus, because I will never forget you.

I hate saying goodbye.

Long time no use. Guess I decided I was going to update everyone on whats going on :) I got back from orientation today. I had a BLAST! I registered from my classes... 2 psychology classes, 1 sociology class, 1 history, 1 math. I was so tempted to take only psych and sociology classes lol... but guess WHAT? I'm going to be a sophmore next semester. hehe =). I got a bunch of my reqs done through AP classes, and I ONLY TOOK 3! You know whats even greater about that?  The AP/smart People at rider always made me feel low because I had only taken three AP courses, I was planning on going to just a regular state school (one thats not Texas A& or UT), and that I was struggling/working my ASS off to get my AP tests right. I even had to take one twice to pass it... well they're all going to amazingly hard/private schools with NO CREDIT because they didn't make 5's on their exams. You know what that is? Thats poetic justice :) It just proves that you shouldn't make people feel bad about their college/careers/courses in HS. You might get underhanded by the underdog <3

As always, my boyfriend is AMAZING. He loves UNT's campus, cross your fingers for me since he's seriously considering coming. Please pray for me as I take the biggest step I've ever taken by letting myself go out into the world and explore, without the shelter of my parents. I'm terrified of failing, not being able to get the scholarship money I need MAJORLY after my first two semesters. Please pray for guidance in finding a major and hope for a great future.. PSYCHOLOGY! I'll be praying for all you guys who are heading up to your own schools in August!

Pax everybody,
Jaci

Hey guys, for all of those who knew I was really really sick, I'm out of the hospital and everything is pretty much ok!

I have been diagnosed with a mild heart condition, that probably wont be much of an issue in the future. Its called Supraventricular Tachycardia. SVT for short. It means that my resting heart rate will sometimes beat 2 times the average heart beat... which explains why I've been passing out the past couple days. If it happens again, then I'll be put on medication to keep my heart rate stable, but there is also a chance that it can never happen again! For now I have to stop working so much (I've been pulling 40+ hours a week), and teach myself how to relax. My condition is something that docs don't know alot about since it is innocuous for the most part (pretty harmless), but they think that its stress related. Its great to be out of the ER... I was getting pretty pissy with all the tubes, heart monitors, IVs stuck in me... haha.

Thanks for all your love and prayers,

Jaci

ps. for those of you who are struck with curiosity, my heart rate was 202 for three days. I wonder how many calories I burned? ;)